Rebuilding Your Relationship

One of the most common things I’m asked for is tools to grow or repair relationships. Well, here they are, all in one place! They are tools for everyone because they are tools for navigating good times and hard times and we all have those!

Tools for Navigating Good Times and Hard Times:

1. Access Emotional Health information and improve your coping:

• •  
    • In this state-of-the-art secure website, you can journal online, measure your progress, and gather helpful information about relationship building, stress management, emotional health, physical health, parenting, and other topics.  To log on to Mental Health Pros, log into www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com/home-study-plans.html . A subscription to this invaluable tool costs only $10.00 per month.

1. Take the Dyadic Adjustment Questionnaire:

• •  
    • Ever wondered whether you are alone in your level of satisfaction/dissatisfaction with your relationship? Using a widely-known multiple-choice questionnaire that takes approximately 5 minutes to complete, check how well you are adjusting to your relationship compared with a large group of married couples. Take this confidential questionnaire and understand better how you are coping in your present relationship and which areas need work. To learn more about your relationship, go to  www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com/home-study-introduction.html . A full profile costs only $15.00 flat fee.

1. Free Report to grow, repair, build, or reclaim your relationship with your special, intimate, or significant other

•  
  •  
    • This Free Report contains 21 tips and exercises for improving the relationship of your choice

•  
  •  
    • To obtain this Free Report:

•  
  •  
    • Enter your email address into the “Subscribe” box just under Dr. Dawson’s photo on his website www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com . You will get regular updates to my Blog on Growing Relationships as well. You can unsubscribe at any time.

1. Blog on Growing Relationships (Like a Garden)

•  
  •  
    • See www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com/blog.html

•  
  •  
    • Get regular updates by entering your email address into the “Subscribe” box just under Dr. Dawson’s photo on his website www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com

The Rhythm of Coupled Life

When we marry – or even if we don’t, and we still carry on as if we are – we make a commitment to someone. Usually, the commitment involves some type of contract, either written or not, sometimes spoken and sometimes not. The commitment usually implies or explains that the two individuals wish to be couple to the exclusion of others. The reason for the exclusion usually has something to do with love and might even be “till death do us part”.

The relationship can cruise along pretty well for a while, and many positive memories can grow and reinforce commitment to the relationship.  But in spite of all the good times, stress usually gets the better of us somewhere along the line. You know…things we expect to happen sometime in our lives, if we are lucky to live long enough. We start to realize we are spending way more time addressing the baby’s needs, and spending more time working, moving, or struggling with debt than we ever spent before we got together. We begin to yearn for those days we were independent or with someone else and things seemed so much easier. Resentment and anger take hold and we stop listening to each other. We start to shut down, withdraw, and we might even restart an old drinking habit or start a new habit where one wasn’t there before. The habit helps us numb ourselves to the trapped, lonely, and alienating feelings we are experiencing more intensely than ever before.

We start looking for tools to fix or manage the problem a little better. If only we found some new ways of coping, we might be able to go back to the way things were or move on with life, past all this crap. One way is to accept that all life has a natural rhythm, a sway between to and fro, back and forth, up and down, side to side, like breathing, in and out – including from good to bad and back again. Another way is to look for tools and practice them. Read my next blog entry for this.

You can also log in from my website at https://www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com/home-study-plans.html to access the tools you may be looking for.

The first tip to grow, improve, repair, reclaim, or rebuild your relationship with your special, intimate, committed or significant other is to:

Realize that negative feelings are a part of normal and healthy relationships and you are not alone in these feelings. Because we are different, it is important to recognize that some differences are not possible to “make the same”. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean we have to change who we are for them. And it doesn't give us the right to expect them to change who they are. In this situation, we are left with two options that can reduce arguing. First, agree to disagree on some things. Second, try to learn from the other person’s different perspective. We’re all human and we get to have our feelings and needs. The question is how we deal with what we’re dealt. Can we tolerate our differences? Can we accept them? Are we getting caught up in our differences instead of emphasizing our common ground?

For more information and other tips, enter your email in the invitation box just below my picture on my website www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com to retrieve your copy of my free report “21 ways to rebuild your relationship”.

This blog is intended to:

1. understand how relationships can help us live a more fulfilled life,
2. suggest ways to improve the health, fulfilment, and emotional connection in relationships,
3. explore difficulties that couples generally face and to provide some ways I understand these problems,
4. provide some general recommendations and resources that will hopefully help readers,
5. give a bit more info about my approach to counselling than is already provided on dawsonpsychologicalservices.com.

This blog is also intended to provide information about the new Home Study resources available on the website, and to hopefully make them easier to use.

It is important to state that I'm not speaking for all therapists or all psychologists in this blog. What I write here is my opinion only. If I cite others, I will provide my interpretation of what others said or found in their research. It's also important to say that this blog is not set up for publication beyond dawsonpsychologicalservices.com, nor is it set up to automatically publish feedback or questions from readers. If you have questions, concerns or feedback about couples counselling, the blog itself, or about dawsonpsychologicalservices.com, please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . I would be happy to respond to your email either personally, by posting an FAQ, or by addressing a question generically through a blog post.

What this blog is not?

In addition, although I am occasionally asked to give advice to couples who I see in my private practice, the purpose of this blog is not advice-giving nor is it designed for any individual client or couple. But that doesn't mean it can't help those looking for advice. There will be a lot of information shared in this blog, perhaps so much that you might think you don't even need to go to see a counsellor. Not to take way any value from seeing a couples counsellor, if that's what you choose to do, great! I'm happy to save you some money!

It is important for readers to be aware that any recommendations or resources provided here are not intended to be a final solution for any specific couple. Instead, it is most helpful when any suggestions or recommendations are taken as representing or symbolizing part of a relational process.

In essence, this blog is not intended as a replacement for face-to-face counselling. Having said that, research on self-help supports the helpfulness of circulating information about the psychology of couple relationships. Better informed couples hopefully can use the information to better understand themselves and each other.

Who is this Dr. Dawson anyway?

To acquaint you a bit with who I am...I am in my 20th year of marriage to a wonderful woman and have been in private practice working with couples for 8 years now. I have also worked with families in the area of child and youth mental health for 11 years, and prior to that was a substance abuse counsellor with young offenders for two years. I was trained from a perspective that appreciates the role that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviour play in our family relationships. An important part of my training and my upbringing was to value the unique story each person brings - because in that story are the seeds of improving the quality of life.