The Rhythm of Coupled Life
When we marry – or even if we don’t, and we still carry on as if we are – we make a commitment to someone. Usually, the commitment involves some type of contract, either written or not, sometimes spoken and sometimes not. The commitment usually implies or explains that the two individuals wish to be couple to the exclusion of others. The reason for the exclusion usually has something to do with love and might even be “till death do us part”.
The relationship can cruise along pretty well for a while, and many positive memories can grow and reinforce commitment to the relationship. But in spite of all the good times, stress usually gets the better of us somewhere along the line. You know…things we expect to happen sometime in our lives, if we are lucky to live long enough. We start to realize we are spending way more time addressing the baby’s needs, and spending more time working, moving, or struggling with debt than we ever spent before we got together. We begin to yearn for those days we were independent or with someone else and things seemed so much easier. Resentment and anger take hold and we stop listening to each other. We start to shut down, withdraw, and we might even restart an old drinking habit or start a new habit where one wasn’t there before. The habit helps us numb ourselves to the trapped, lonely, and alienating feelings we are experiencing more intensely than ever before.
We start looking for tools to fix or manage the problem a little better. If only we found some new ways of coping, we might be able to go back to the way things were or move on with life, past all this crap. One way is to accept that all life has a natural rhythm, a sway between to and fro, back and forth, up and down, side to side, like breathing, in and out – including from good to bad and back again. Another way is to look for tools and practice them. Read my next blog entry for this.
You can also log in from my website at https://www.dawsonpsychologicalservices.com/home-study-plans.html to access the tools you may be looking for.